fuck-bitches-get-money:


Goodbye ‘Birth Control Glasses’

Features, Marines Uncovered   //   January 27th, 2012   //   By Sgt. Mark Fayloga
In  the wake of the DoD’s announcement of new standard-issue military  glasses, a new study found that one out of five Marines is distraught  over the loss of Birth Control Glasses. Correction: One Marine in the  entire Marine Corps is upset about it. (U.S. Marine Corps photos by Sgt.  Mark Fayloga)
The standard-issue spectacles, S9s, most widely known as “Birth Control Glasses,” or BCGs, are soon to become a thing of the past.
In the coming months, recruits from all branches of service will be  issued 5As, a more modern, hipster-chic pair of glasses. While the 5As  are inarguably more aesthetically pleasing, they offer very little help  as a contraceptive. Also PFLGs (Perfectly Fine-Looking Glasses), or  TIGTABCYTPNGs (These? I Got Them At Boot Camp. Yeah, They’re Pretty Nice  Glasses) doesn’t have the same ring as BCGs.

If this is the death of Birth Control Glasses, let this stand as their eulogy.

Birth Control Glasses, labeled lovingly so because they’re so ugly  you don’t stand a chance of finding a partner while wearing them, have  always been the great equalizer. Even the most Handsome Harry and Sexy  Sally are humbled by their wear. At boot camp, there are many things  that break down individual identity and reinforce a unit mentality, but  the BCGs do this exceptionally well. Recruits forced to wear them share  the bond of constantly thinking, “I look like an idiot in these things.”  Meanwhile, all the other recruits are thinking, “Look at those idiots,”  and, “I hope my drill instructor didn’t just see me scratch that itch.”
The BCGs are like reverse beer-goggles. They can turn even a 10 into a  two. Certainly you’ve heard of Brad Pitt, movie star and former sexiest  man alive. And you more than likely know of Drew Carey,  television star and former Marine. Here’s a little known secret, that’s  the same guy. His real name is Hans Vandersmit. He’s a woodworker from  Oregon who wanted to make it big in Hollywood and figured he’d have  better chances if he created two distinct personas — surprisingly he  found success with both alter egos. One you know as the global star,  philanthropist and heartthrob. The other wears mock BCGs and hosts The  Price Is Right.
As ugly as the BCGs may be, they always got the job done. They are sturdy, they are reliable, and they are ugly see-through. They have provided clarity for Marines on Iwo Jima just as they have for Marines in Fallujah. They will be missed.
Just as the sun shines through after a heavy rain, all is not dark  after the loss of the BCGs. The nation as a whole, and the military  especially is looking to cut spending, commit to cleaner energy and find  ways to save. With the use of the newer glasses the savings will be  tremendous. With the same amount of plastic and glass it takes to make  one pair of BCGs, you can make six pairs of the new glasses.  Unfortunately all of that money will not be saved, but redirected to  TRICARE to compensate for the spike in pregnancies by service members  who are no longer wearing BCGs.
As with any good eulogy, let us remember the legacy of the BCGs with a  poem. Unfortunately my Robert Frost book of poems is loaned out, so  here’s a haiku:
Too thick  frames appear Taking their place on my face Women are repulsed

fuck-bitches-get-money:

Goodbye ‘Birth Control Glasses’

In the wake of the DoD’s announcement of new standard-issue military glasses, a new study found that one out of five Marines is distraught over the loss of Birth Control Glasses. Correction: One Marine in the entire Marine Corps is upset about it. (U.S. Marine Corps photos by Sgt. Mark Fayloga)

The standard-issue spectacles, S9s, most widely known as “Birth Control Glasses,” or BCGs, are soon to become a thing of the past.

In the coming months, recruits from all branches of service will be issued 5As, a more modern, hipster-chic pair of glasses. While the 5As are inarguably more aesthetically pleasing, they offer very little help as a contraceptive. Also PFLGs (Perfectly Fine-Looking Glasses), or TIGTABCYTPNGs (These? I Got Them At Boot Camp. Yeah, They’re Pretty Nice Glasses) doesn’t have the same ring as BCGs.

If this is the death of Birth Control Glasses, let this stand as their eulogy.

Birth Control Glasses, labeled lovingly so because they’re so ugly you don’t stand a chance of finding a partner while wearing them, have always been the great equalizer. Even the most Handsome Harry and Sexy Sally are humbled by their wear. At boot camp, there are many things that break down individual identity and reinforce a unit mentality, but the BCGs do this exceptionally well. Recruits forced to wear them share the bond of constantly thinking, “I look like an idiot in these things.” Meanwhile, all the other recruits are thinking, “Look at those idiots,” and, “I hope my drill instructor didn’t just see me scratch that itch.”

The BCGs are like reverse beer-goggles. They can turn even a 10 into a two. Certainly you’ve heard of Brad Pitt, movie star and former sexiest man alive. And you more than likely know of Drew Carey, television star and former Marine. Here’s a little known secret, that’s the same guy. His real name is Hans Vandersmit. He’s a woodworker from Oregon who wanted to make it big in Hollywood and figured he’d have better chances if he created two distinct personas — surprisingly he found success with both alter egos. One you know as the global star, philanthropist and heartthrob. The other wears mock BCGs and hosts The Price Is Right.

As ugly as the BCGs may be, they always got the job done. They are sturdy, they are reliable, and they are ugly see-through. They have provided clarity for Marines on Iwo Jima just as they have for Marines in Fallujah. They will be missed.

Just as the sun shines through after a heavy rain, all is not dark after the loss of the BCGs. The nation as a whole, and the military especially is looking to cut spending, commit to cleaner energy and find ways to save. With the use of the newer glasses the savings will be tremendous. With the same amount of plastic and glass it takes to make one pair of BCGs, you can make six pairs of the new glasses. Unfortunately all of that money will not be saved, but redirected to TRICARE to compensate for the spike in pregnancies by service members who are no longer wearing BCGs.

As with any good eulogy, let us remember the legacy of the BCGs with a poem. Unfortunately my Robert Frost book of poems is loaned out, so here’s a haiku:

Too thick  frames appear
Taking their place on my face
Women are repulsed

 
  1. marinecolton reblogged this from fuck-bitches-get-money
  2. myheroesweardogtags reblogged this from fuck-bitches-get-money
  3. kristenmlee reblogged this from marinecorpslove
  4. countyboyscansurvive reblogged this from limalimamikefoxtrot and added:
    areuglysee-through.
  5. kelirina reblogged this from walkerbaiit and added:
  6. yoomsters reblogged this from fuck-bitches-get-money
  7. militaryislove22x reblogged this from limalimamikefoxtrot
  8. ex-frat-man reblogged this from limalimamikefoxtrot
  9. thelifeofmiggs reblogged this from usmcsupport and added:
    Why!! I love BCG’s
  10. milso-shop reblogged this from absencesharpenslove
  11. macc-tm reblogged this from usmcsupport
  12. absencesharpenslove reblogged this from usmcsupport
  13. nollam70 reblogged this from fireworkshooah
  14. usmcsupport reblogged this from utah-sierra-mike-charlie
  15. scruffy-the-janitor reblogged this from limalimamikefoxtrot and added:
    YOU HAVE TO BE SHITTING ME. NO MORE BCG’S??!?!?!
  16. midshipmanschmidt reblogged this from utah-sierra-mike-charlie and added:
    YESSSSSSSSSSSS I’ll look like a human in OCS now! hahahahhaha
  17. fireworkshooah reblogged this from limalimamikefoxtrot
  18. limalimamikefoxtrot reblogged this from utah-sierra-mike-charlie
  19. utah-sierra-mike-charlie reblogged this from fuck-bitches-get-money
  20. dasmeisterwerk reblogged this from littlegirlbigapple
  21. littlegirlbigapple reblogged this from socalledsocialsecurity and added:
    I AGREE!!! I don’t think there is anything sexier than my baby in his Navy issue glasses!!!!!
  22. socalledsocialsecurity reblogged this from thedarkirishsilence and added:
    well. i think he looks snazzy. i guess that’s just me. but yeah. this is my sex bob-omb boyfran.
  23. whosthatgirlitsles reblogged this from forestfor-thetrees
  24. try-try-try-again reblogged this from walkerbaiit
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